Journal Entry Seven  Fresh Blood
by Ryla Dante
Summary: Part 7...What the boys might be thinking after each episode if they could speak their own minds on MySpace...Sam and Dean now have their own personal blogs...so check in every week! Major spoilers for Fresh Blood. Semi AU...


A/N:Well, this is the last Blog for, as I said in the last one...two weeks!! It hurts to be without SPN for that long, but I can deal. in just a week I will be receiving the official SPN magazine and a gorgeous poster to go over my bed, hehe. I will at least have something to keep me company.

Now in this Blog, it is a bit more AU than I intended, but after the scene between Sam and Dean in their room and then again at the end...I had an amazing revelation, so I used it. Hope it turned out well, and I may even use it for a wee!chester story...Let me know what ya'll think!

Also, I finished this at 6 in the morning, so if their are any errors that would be the reason. Ignore them please. I tried to find what I could, but with half-tired eyes it is hard enough to see the keyboard let alone the screen. I know I could have waited until tomorrow to load this, but I am impatient when it comes to my stories.

In closing, enjoy and let us pray the WGA strike gets what they have been asking for and that all this ends soon and that it does not go on for much longer. 22 weeks for the last one was a bit crazy, so please support you fave shows by signing any petition that there is available. Okay I am done with my rant!!

Enjoy!

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Sam's Blog...

November 15th, 2007 - Thursday

Man, I thought I was ruthless when it came to hunting. I know Lucy was a vampire and there was nothing we could truly do to help her, but just the look in her eyes, the pleading stares made me feel sorry for her. But, Dean did the only thing he had to I guess. As I have said, there are some people you just can't save no matter how much you want to.

Bela that...Okay I will refrain from name calling at the moment, yet how dare she tell that hack Gordon where we were. I knew she was low, but this is abysmal. I could tell by the look on Dean's face when she called that something was up, but I just did not register it until the second time. I still have no idea why he would happily offer HER any information outside of our last case. It was pretty stupid, but I only partially blame Dean for that. Bela is sneaky and vindictive. So score 3 for her and 0 for us...Man, who knew we could ever be outsmarted by a girl? Well, easy come easy go.

Thanks again Bela. Because of Little Miss Crumpet, Gordon was officially a vampire. I say again: We should have let the pirate take her away! Gordon Walker, roaming the streets bloodletting for a sport. That was an eery thought I swear. Plus seeing the destruction in his wake made things all the more crazy. As a hunter, Gordon was ruthless and power hungry. You add vamp blood to that and you have a deadly combination that can strike without warning. Not exactly the greatest recipe in the cook book if you get my drift.

Christ...I am beginning to act like Dean. I begin to say something important and then shut down and finish by saying: 'Just cuz.' I mean what kind of heartfelt mumbo jumbo is that? I wanted to say so much, to tell Dean that I missed him. He of course would have laughed at me, thinking I was off my rocker and told me he was right there, how could I miss him. Then I would naturally get offended per usual and a fight would ensue. So I guess in the end it was better left to the dirt walls of my cracked brain.

But you see, I do miss my brother. I miss the times we had as a kid when Dad was away fighting whatever godless terror the devil had decided was on the menu for that day. Dean would hate babysitting me, used to ask Dad if it was okay to sit on the baby. It was funny for a while, but when his looks became a little more serious I began to wonder if he truly cared about me, or if I was just a burden in both their lives.

Yet on days when Dean seemed less distracted he would take me to the park and we would play ball, throw the pigskin back and forth for a while then he would show me this hidden area he had found once by accident while hunting with dad. It soon became our own little secret hideaway. We would stay for hours and just talk about whatever came to mind. I liked those talks, and I miss them. We never speak like that any more. I try to bring up anything that resembles a touch of normalcy and he shuts me off like a TV program you have been watching too long and your eyes need to adjust to something better. I just...I just want that back!

Oh God what was I thinking? Dean was right. First going after the Crossroads Daemon like that, now taking out Gordon without even flinching. I now realize that there is something the matter with me. To have that kind of strength to rip a charged up vampire's head off, and not be feeling the pain afterwards, I worry. Not only for myself but for Dean as well. Things are getting hairy and I don't like the road I am traveling on. This internal struggle is going to rip me apart at the seams and I am not sure either one of us is strong enough to handle it when it does.

Well...at least after all this I can smile again. Dean actually became that brother again. Standing beside that car he gave me a look that I had not seen in years. It was as if we were kids again and we were back on the same level. Then when he asked me to fix his car at first I thought he had blown a fuse or something, but when he told me it was for 'after,' I had to swallow hard because I realize I have been selfish. He's trying so damned hard to be there for me, to be an older brother and to do what is right that I just can't see past my own little square and look at the bigger picture in life. I guess I get too wrapped up in how everyone else should be and think that I forget to think and feel myself. I just have to understand that sometimes things happen and they happen for a reason. Not always the best reasons, but in the end tend to work themselves out. I just need to open myself up a little more and see that before I become so blind to the fact that I have a brother and end up pushing him away by my own petty ignorance.

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Dean's Blog...

November 16th, 2007 - Friday

Yeah it was wrong taking care of Lucy the way I did. But there wasn't much even us as hunters could do for her. Plus her imbecilic ramblings were beginning to way on my nerves. That may seem harsh, but sometimes you have to do things which are deemed unsavory.

I should have known something was up when I received that phone call from Bela. Why she would call to say she was sorry yet again is beyond me. It was one thing for her to drop money on us, but to apologize? Nah, just not her style.

Oh and by the way, DO NOT bet on black when it comes to roulette. Sam may have 'The Shining' but he sure as hell did not see me losing all that cash after like ten minutes. I mean a nice looking girl who ran the table, blonde hair tied up in a tight ponytail and small spiral curls dangling from the sides of her thin face. Her pale green eyes kept smiling at me as I placed the chips down, almost wanting me to keep betting more and more. I was hypnotized by her features and before I knew it all the money was gone. Sam chewed me out, but I just ignored him like normal. I would have liked to have seen him play a bit himself, yet he just sat there watching me bet all that hard earned mullah away. Idiot.

That bastard Gordon Walker, arrogant son of a bitch. I oughta break that little British Trixie in two for letting him know where we were. I know he paid her for the information, she would have never done it for free. When I see her again, and I know we will, she will regret ever running into us. Those pirate's had nothing on me. She does not realize the shit storm she caused by screwing with a Winchester.

Gordon as a vampire?? Wasn't that a kick in the fruit of the looms. I swear that was the cherry on the sundae. In a way it was funny...Here he was chasing after my brother whom he perceived to be the devil incarnate, and ended up becoming something altogether evil himself. Irony does a dance of jig in the dark with the devil tonight.

Sammy oh Sammy. I now know what rhymes with 'Shut up Sam.' I just don't give a damn! Yet I could see the look in his eyes when he began to speak and for the first time since the deal was struck stumbled over his words. It was so unlike it that it was actually kind of, well cute. I don't mean it like that for god sakes. That is just twisted. Bu to see my baby brother sort of act like me and clam up was a surprise. What really got to me was the fact that I wanted to know what he was going to say. Whatever it was seemed so damned pertinent. It must have been or else he would not have looked as if he sucked a lemon, sideways. In the end I am glad I stayed, 'cause if I didn't Gordon would have taken him sooner and I would not have been there to stop it. Just the thought alone gives me the heebie jeebies.

I have to thank God or whoever that Gordon did not infect me with that poison of his when he dug his fangs into my neck. It hurt like hell man but I would rather feel the pain then never feel the sun again. I may be a night person, but sometimes going out in the daylight is, you know, important for a case and other things I won't go into at the present time.

Man, to see Sam dig that barb wire into Gordon's flesh was astounding. I knew he wanted the man dead and even as a vampire he was a vicious and vial asshole but that was a bit extreme. It scared the hell out of me. Someone as strong as Gordon has become taken down by my baby bro. Even I couldn't have killed that man like that without the littlest scratch or proof that I had done it. Just Sam's face...He seemed so, so into it. It just seemed so unreal to me.

Hmmm, showing Sammy the ropes like that was strange to say the least. He looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language and it was a nice flip for a change. I know that it may have not been the right thing to put on his plate but Sam has to realize that in case all this fails, that in case I don't make it, he knows how do certain things that he otherwise would be clueless about. It seems as if little brother doesn't know everything then huh?

That little awkward smile on his face spoke volumes as he grabbed the socket wrench from my hands and slipped under the hood. I chuckled a bit knowing that this was the greatest brotherly moment we had had since...since before dad died, really since even before Jessica died. It had been a long time since we both smiled and actually meant it. Nothing hidden, no agendas to keep and bring out when things get hostile. It actually made me think of a time when we were kids, and I was probably...damn it was so long ago. I think I was 12 at the latest. Sam and I had been playing in the park one day and after playing tag for the umpteenth time I finally suggested we go to a hidden 'cove' I discovered my accident once.

Dad and I had been hunting a siren and when he pushed me away so he could deal with her on his own, I sort of well, rolled into it. It was maybe only big enough for two adult people but plenty big for Sam and I to hide in. We used it whenever Dad was away either on a hunting trip or visiting Jose, Jack or Jim. Sadly the latter seemed to happen quite often.

Well our little hidden spot was a place to go and talk about anything, everything, or nothing. We would bring flashlights and I would make shadow puppets on the walls and then tell ghost stories. Of course if we got home late we would simply tell dad that we were out practicing for hunts, and that seemed to satisfy him every time.

Unfortunately when I turned 14 we stopped going to our spot once I started noticing girls and it became forgotten, at least until today. When I saw sam smile, I knew he remembered, cause it was that childlike stare that he had kept with him all these years. An innocence that at times I pick on him for, but not that day. That day was about us, about what we really meant to one another and when times were truly good. There was no way in hell I was ever going to spoil that. Of course it doesn't mean I don't plan on doing it in the future mind you!

Okay...wow as I look at the clock I realize I have been at this for over three hours. Plus I can hear Sam snoring next to me which means only one thing. There is no way in hell I am getting any sleep tonight. That kid could suck the fruit off Willy Wonka's walls! Though I have to give it to him, after all the shit I have put him through amongst everything else, he deserves to sleep restfully from now on. Just wish he did not have jet engines for nostrils, oy vay! Guess it's infomercials for me tonight. Wonder if 'Walker, Texas Ranger' is on trying to sell his 'Total Gym?'

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